True Capitalist Radio Confessions, also known as Capitalist Confessions or simply Confessions for short, is an infrequently-occurring segment of True Capitalist Radio during which the show's host, Ghost, takes confessions in order to absolve his callers of their sins against Capitalism.
Capitalist Confessions usually follows on-air mentions of the Catholic Church.
After announcing that it is time for Capitalist Confessions, Ghost plays the role of the Pontiff, Father Ghost. Instead of introducing callers with "what's up?" or "you're on the horn,", Father Ghost will ask "do you have anything to confess, my son?" After a caller admits that they do indeed have a confession to make, Father Ghost sings a tune (normally with the words "lick-a-hiney-hole" being the most audible portions) and allows them to tell their story.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the majority of True Capitalist "confessions" actually consist of cyber vermin nonsense, so it is much more common to hear "get 'em off!" at the end of each confession than "you are forgiven."
A confession from 213/Ghetto Capitalist on September 12, 2011 led to one of the show's angriest and most memorable rampages. A confession from Tzeki about being a brony caused Ghost to put the rest of the show on hold and hold a pseudo-religious service to "cure" Tzeki, "so he may no longer embrace his bronydom". The Internet Buttstalker made an unexpected return on January 9th, forcing the Confessions skit to a close early.
SuspiciousTumbleweed's confession in March about being a brony nearly caused Ghost to ragequit, and he held resentment for her for a long time following it.
While not an on-air confession, Disco Waffle's file outlining everything he had caused within the community was labeled as capitalistconfession.txt, referencing this segment.